In the End [Isis]

[Celia D.]

A few days ago something strange happened, something that Celia would have never done, but it seems that it happened and she went along with it. It wasn't like she didn't like that day, but she broke so many rules that she couldn't take it at all. She worked herself even more to recover the whole hours she lost at work, school and studying, she had even less time to eat or to take care of herself. Her hair was a bit messy since she didn't have any time to brush it the last few days, just washed it and went to sleep.

She wasn't feeling so well; she was shaking a bit and moving in a strange way. Her head was hurting, she was feeling very sick, but she couldn't afford miss any more days at school or somewhere else. She would have to force herself with this and hope that she would get better as the time would pass. She leaned a bit against the wall breathing heavy. She tried not to fall because she couldn't handle it anymore. After a few seconds of rest, she started to walk again towards the class she had now. Just a few more steps she had to take and she would be in class, then she could rest on the chair while paying attention to the lesson.

She didn't manage to make those few steps to the class anymore, after only one step her mind went blank and she couldn't keep her balance anymore. She felt and hit her head against the wall; after that, she didn't know anything that happened. All she heard were some people talking, their voices sounding worried. Then her body couldn't take it anymore and she shut down, she didn't die; but her body took the rest that it needed after she forced herself so much.

[ISIS W.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,100,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true] NOW I'M FEELIN' SO For a few days Isis lived with a guilty conscience. Good intentions were no excuse for rash decisions, and she fully believed that she made one. There was a young lady more or less in the same year as herself, and detecting how troubled she was, she wanted to ensure she had some fun to maybe make her less hooked on slaving herself away unhealthily on her work. Skipping class may have been far too great of a leap to take as the initial movement into normalcy, and over the last few days because of that undeniable guilt she was acting evasive and pragmatic. Straight to class, and then home, playing wall ball in the house absentmindedly. Currently it was class change period, and she was on her way to her entrepreneurship class. Located close to whatever advanced mathematics course Celia had taken the liberty to psychologically suffocate herself in, becoming proximal was inevitable. What she didn't expect was seeing someone in her peripheral abruptly fall. That someone was Celia and, without thinking, she already found herself more or less diving for her and catching her before Celia could endure any more physical trauma; ultimately she managed to prevent a full fall. "Come on, Celery, what the hell?" Already having assigned the green haired girl a nickname both appropriate for her hair color and name, she asked rhetorically, scooping her into a bridal carry. Naturally, the scene was meriting a full house of stares and inciting a fair amount of panic—given a girl just passed out in front of them. Not even slightly aware of any medical conditions Celia may or may not have been in possession of, the semi-albinistic youth bolted in the direction of the nurse's office. Getting there did not take very long, she made sure of that. Past the nurse she raced, and personally set the unconscious girl onto the bed herself. And there she would remain planted, until she was certain there would be a recovery. Turning towards the nurse in anticipation, she asked— "What's wrong with her? She just suddenly passed out in the hall." TAGS xxxxx COUNT xxxxx NOTES xxxx coded by JIN of BtN FLY LIKE A G6

[Celia D.]

Celia didn’t know what happened, she was passed out, and her mind was blank. She didn’t even know that she was carried by the girl who was the reason that she forced herself to do all those things, to breaking so many rules. But she wasn’t blaming her; Celia actually had a good time during the day she didn’t go to school or to work. But she couldn’t handle everything; it was too much for her and her brain made her force herself even more. But she couldn’t tell her that, she didn’t want to make her feel guilty because she enjoyed that day, and she really needed something like that.

She was taken to the nurse’s office where she was placed by Isis on the bed. She was still sleeping so she didn’t know what the nurse was talking to Isis. But it’s not like it mattered so much, there was nothing the nurse could tell Isis that would hurt her in any way. The nurse knew nothing about her past so she had nothing to worry about, what she had to worry about was that she would be told to stay at home a few days to get some rest, like she always tells her, but Celia never listens to her, she continues with her normal program.

When Isis asked if Celia would be okay the nurse smiled and said. “You have nothing to worry about; she is someone that comes regular here. Celia has a very busy program and doesn’t have time to eat and barely catches any rest. I don’t know why she forces herself so much, but she never listens to me when I tell her to stay at home for a few days and sleep.” The nurse took some medicine from a drawer and a glass filled with cold water putting them on the table next to the bd. “Give her this when she wakes up.” With that said the nurse left and let the two of them alone in the room.

[ISIS W.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,100,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true] NOW I'M FEELIN' SO Already having expected the information she was fed, Isis nodded mechanically in response to the nurse. It was easy to detect the worry, distress and guilt; furrowed brow and fastened, sober straight lips that allowed no room for ease. There was a chance the nurse noticed, but she didn't care. Right off the bat she knew the restlessness stemmed from certain happenings related to her, which stung. Taking the liberty to sit on the bed next to her, she had no intention of going back to class. Confidential matters could be discussed due to the nurse's departure. Doing so right now would be foolhardy because Celia wasn't awake; all she could do now was wait until she was. What should she tell her when she wakes up? Would she blame her for this after all? Biggest question was, why did Isis care so much about this? Leaving right now and catching her class may have been more practical for her, inconvenienced her less, but she went out of her way to stay at her pseudo accomplice's side. Unsure of what to do or say, she merely lingered. When you really looked at someone (she usually didn't), it became a little more apparent how pretty they are. Soft skin—fair, supposedly free of blemishes, hair with the pigment of emeralds but the consistency of silk, slender, gorgeous gold eyes and satiny lips—gah! What was she thinking? Either way, she rested her hand on Celia's head, chiefly at the part where she had struck it during the sudden fall earlier. TAGS xxxxx COUNT xxxxx NOTES xxxx coded by JIN of BtN FLY LIKE A G6

[Celia D.]

The fainted princess was still sleeping; she was still in the dream world. Maybe this scene is like one of those you see in so many stories. A princess waiting for the knight in shining armor to come and rescue her. But the problem in this situation was that there was no dragon guarding her, there was no evil or road that the hero has to travel in order to save the princess. So it means that she wasn’t one at all, her life was the same as the life of others. Or maybe in this situation the dragon wasn’t something real, maybe the dragon was the cruel schedule that Celia set for herself.

So why did she have such a busy schedule? Mostly it was because of her past; she wanted to keep herself as busy as she can in order to not have time for memories, so she wouldn’t remember the cruel past that she had, all that happened to her and to her mother. So she won’t cry anymore, so she won’t close herself inside ending up in a hospital again. With doctors giving her all kinds of pills for depression and to calm her down. It was too much for her so that’s why she was punishing herself like that, she had no other choice.

But it seems that not even in sleep she could get away from her past. Right now she was having a nightmare, more like a memory coming back, everything was happening so fast. She was shaking; it was almost like she felt the pain of that moment again. She was shaking in bed like crazy, rolling from side to side, talking in her sleep; but what she was saying was unknown, it sounded more like cries of pain adding a moan from time to time, but it’s not like she wanted too.

Then she suddenly woke up, eyes wide open filled with tears; she just got into a sitting position grabbing onto Isis and hugging her very tight, she couldn’t stop herself from crying.

[ISIS W.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,100,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true] NOW I'M FEELIN' SO Going over the events of her life, she duly noted how fortunate she was. An inability to go into grand detail with her current thoughts was courtesy of bearing witness to the girl's sudden erratic and pained movements. Not completely haphazard, the motions had enough of a cohesive theme to discern that this was purely psychological. Initially Isis was flabbergasted by the supposed inward terrors that were haunting the girl. Instinctually she traced her hands to Celia's shoulders, as though in an attempt to maintain stability, and perhaps wake her up courtesy of the contact. After all, enduring something like that extensively didn't seem favorable for anyone's psyche. Brought to a conclusion by her sudden awakening, Isis quickly found herself snared in an iron embrace. Naturally her first reaction was surprise, and after but a second delay she found her arms taking the liberty of wrapping around Celia in return. Embracing her with comparable tightness, unable to decipher or put together what she could have possibly been dreaming, the most she did her best to do was be there. Currently, it wasn't the time to pry at personal affairs or make mention of any of the plentiful elephants in the room. No—she was being consoling as her demeanor would allow her; maybe even a little uncharacteristically past her usual capacity. Crying—it wasn't something that she ever liked to hear, and given this was partially her fault, the swollen wad of guilt in her gut continued to worsen. Remaining quiet for the time being, she'd allow Celia to use her as her beacon of support for as long as she needed, gently combing through her satin mane of green hair with her left hand, guardedly keeping her as close as possible. Admittedly, she hadn't ever done this before; she had yet to share such closeness. It was warm, and the array of emotions pierced whatever psychological barrier she typically tried to preserve. TAGS xxxxx COUNT xxxxx NOTES xxxx coded by JIN of BtN FLY LIKE A G6

[Celia D.]

She felt a kind warmth while she was slowly waking up from the crying state she was in, for the moment she thought it was her mother, she didn’t want to let go. The fingers that were brushing her hair calmed her a bit; the crying was slowly stopping as the person she grabbed on was taking care of her. She was slowly realizing where she was and what she was doing, and she slowly found out that the person who she was hugging wasn’t her mother. When that happened she let go of that person and pushed herself away a bit; all just to see that Isis was in front of her and it wasn’t the nurse that she expected.

She shook her head and wiped the tears off her face, some still coming out. Her face was red and so were her eyes since she cried so much. She was so embarrassed; she made her new friend see her in this state. And she was afraid that Isis might blame herself for this, thing that would break Celia’s heart. She tried to calm herself looking around. She knew that since the nurse wasn’t here she should have left her some pills to take; and she was right. The nurse left for Celia some pills that would calm her, like she always does. It wasn’t such a good thing to be a regular in this place.

She laid again on the bed, moving an arm to cover her eyes so Isis won’t see her crying anymore. Biting her lower lip she said to Isis in a sad tone. “I’m sorry for making you miss your class….You can go now…I’m okay. I’ll be back on my feet in a few minutes and I will be able to attend the rest of the classes for today.” Even if the nurse always tells her to take a week break and rest at home, Celia couldn’t afford that luxury.

[ISIS W.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,100,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true] NOW I'M FEELIN' SO As per norm the embrace came to its eventual end. Acknowledging that it perhaps wasn't as intention as she originally concluded, she was plagued by internal confliction. Red dominated her own face, the embarrassment in her magenta eyes mingling with the concern. Stabilization wasn't imminent, what with the pill talking and whatnot. Pills were effective enough, but even though she didn't experience such immense trauma herself, she knew that they never really got to the root of the problem—they were a temporary fix at best. Whatever effects they even had she did not know, but Isis had a hunch that other things would be better at remedying whatever sense of loss or pain she was shouldering. "Don't be stupid," she began, distress creasing her brow. After a moment of contemplation, she stomached her personal qualms and anxieties and scooted a tad bit closer again. "Dunno what the hell happened to you to have nightmares like that, or to force you into this kind of lifestyle, but you're coming undone at the seams. Seriously, what if you passed out like that while driving, or crossing a street? It's like you've given up. And I think you made it convenient for you—isolating yourself so if you were gone, if you were seriously injured, people wouldn't be burdened. But I sure as hell would be, so just . . . stop." For a moment she felt some dampness in her own eye, and she quickly tended to it with her hand. Looking at her hand, she frowned, before steering her attention towards Celia. "This is my fault, really, and I guess it turns out my actions were a ton more poisonous than I thought. Either way, you gotta get on a normal schedule; sleep at normal times, eat regularly, spend only a certain amount of time on extra studying a week, cut down on work shifts. Sure you might have heard that from the nurse or whatever, but, this is different. Maybe you could be all willy-nilly with your life before, but now it's different, because when you suffer, so will I." TAGS xxxxx COUNT xxxxx NOTES xxxx coded by JIN of BtN FLY LIKE A G6

[Celia D.]

Who knew that a simple hello at cafeteria could lead to this? This is the reason why Celia never wanted to have friends, even if she was happy to have someone to talk to, the fact still is that when this things happen they would be sad, they would share her pain and it could even to lead to worse things. They may want to find out what lead to all this drama, and that was one thing that Celia couldn’t afford. She promised herself that she won’t talk about it to anyone, not even to herself; one thing is was that she hated the feelings that moment brings, but she disliked even more when someone was trying to comfort her when they found out what happened, it’s not like they have ever been through something like that.

“You are indeed a smart friend. That was the reason I don’t have friends, even if I crave for them more than anything in the world. But I couldn’t afford having one; it breaks my heart to see a friend that is sad because of me. You don’t even know how many times I tried to kill myself, but I just couldn’t do it, right when I was taking the final step towards that, something was always stopping me…So I had to find another way to do it, I found how to kill my body slowly, making it more tired and tired until it finally shuts down. But always these simple pauses I have like the one that day make my body slightly recover.”

That wasn’t something that she should have told anyone, it could get her in trouble. She spent only one day with this girl so she didn’t know if she would rat her out or do something to stop her. She wanted to say one more thing, but she knew that if she said that Isis would be sad and she wouldn’t be friends with her anymore. Even if she wanted that so she could continue her journey towards the end, she just couldn’t do it.

[ISIS W.]

A speech comparable to the length of her own was cemented into the atmosphere, and should she not have cared about this individual, it would have left no room to retort. For a moment the albinistic girl clenched her teeth firmly, for but a moment dwelling on her response. Histories laced with unbearable pain, especially of which she didn't ever experience, we're the hardest to console anyone about at any given time, and the toughest to overcome. The right to live, however, was inviolable, and she strived to protect that right, even if it was the person who owned that life who intended on violating it.

"Listen, I'm sure whatever path you've walked up until now has been rough, and ain't nothin' gonna change that. An integral part of life is moving on; no matter how long ago it was, it's like you're still there, you haven't left behind all that suffering, nor the moment itself," she asserted, pausing briefly before continuing. "You consider not living some kinda remedy, but easy ways out never help. It's selfish. Not only do you hurt those who care about you, which is unavoidable no matter how hard you try, disappearing from their lives like that, but you miss out on all kinds of stuff. Life ain't all bad, and you know that, and you want to live it; that's why you never fully went through with suicide. And, I'll be damned if I don't help you live it. I seen you happy - you have the capacity to enjoy stuff, so smart as you are, what kinda idiot throws that all away?"

Exhaling momentarily, she decided to, for the moment, psychologically kick her own timidity across the room and hold Celia's hand in both of her own. An inevitable blush did however dominate her cheeks as she did that. "Look, just shut up about the facts and logic and whatever else you want to retort with, and hear me out. For me, and maybe eventually others, try to live. For the preseverence of the moments I want to share with you, I want to take care of you if you will not."

[Celia D.]

Why was she trying so much to make her rest? Didn’t she understand that she doesn’t want to be helped? That she picked this lifestyle just to end her current life faster. She could never just take the final step; she didn’t have the courage for that, that’s why she was destroying herself like this. But it seems that this person would never understand the suffering that she was going through. She thought that it was a simple reason to why she was like that. Maybe it was time for her to tell someone else what she went through, after that there is a big possibility that Isis would leave her alone.

But was it worth it to open that sealed door in her mind just to get rid of the one person that she could call a friend? She wanted to take care of her, maybe she even wanted to force her to get the rest that the nurse always told her to. Celia wasn’t so sure how he would react to this, but she had to make a big sacrifice so she could continue the journey to the end of her life. “Do you really think you can help me? You could never understand what made me do this, but I will tell you, even if I don’t want to.”

“When I was 15 a man came into our house. My father was away so there was nobody to protect me and my mother. The man wanted the money and jewelry that we had, but he didn’t stop only at that. He raped my mother in front of my eyes and after that killed her, and then he continued with me...” The hand that Isis was holding started to grasp her hands her tightly, her hand started to shake and the tears started to cover her cheeks again. “Then he raped me too….If it wasn’t for the neighbors that called the police when they heard the commotion I wouldn’t have been here. Sometimes I wish the police was just a little bit late so the criminal would finish me too.”

[ISIS W.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,100,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true] NOW I'M FEELIN' SO Sometimes angry wasn't an accommodating description for how angry someone was. Lividity was close, but not even that encompassed the world of ire seething within the albino. Carried within her eyes—and her eyes alone, was a growing insuperable amount of belligerence. A feeling overwashed her; it was heated in nature, a sort of vehemence—a fury, mayhaps, that felt like magma seeping into each individual cell in her body. In lieu of looking at Celia, it seemed different; it looked as though she were looking through her straight towards something else. Only they were harbored within the room, but Isis was boring her attention past Celia, past her soul, and glaring at something that wasn't even present. Crime wasn't something the young woman was fond of. From her expression alone one could see her dire qualms. A few days ago she told Celia of her desire to become a judge—someone who determined the fates of scum like the aforementioned who exploited, stole from, and did even more atrocious things to all to promote their own warped interests. An occupation to uphold justice, and make sure no guilty man walk free, and no innocent man be sentenced guilty. Several moments went by where she simply sat there, hands still embracing Celia's. "... Is that it?" When her attention flickered back towards Celia, to a degree her eyes softened, but her voice retained a sobriety. Describing the events as unfair was as much of an understatement as describing a mountain as pretty big. What Celia needed to see right now was the resilience of people who cared about her, and given she only met her a few days ago, it meant that a typical human—or at least she believed she was the average Joe, had more than enough capacity to help someone cope with the aforementioned. Tears marked her company's face again, and she lightly draped her arms around her, to provide her with a beacon of support to cry on and essentially get it all out if she needed it. "I'll be frank with you. You're right, I couldn't ever understand it, because I never experienced that kinda situation. Won't even lie, my life's been a lot better to me than that," Isis started, doing her best to preserve her composure. "You didn't deserve any of that—nobody does, and in no way are you to blame. But, you're safe now. Regardless of what you tell me, or however you try to ward me away, I'm going to be—and so will my friends that'll eventually be your friends to call, too, will be by your side, always, no matter what." Before finally concluding, she had a few more things to say. "Right now, you feel like you have no control over your life, right? Shit like that does that. But, you do. Just look: you have me, others if needbe, too, experts in the area who, hell, probably would be more useful than me. But it'd be dumb of me to make that choice for you, when you're struggling for control. So ultimately, whatever you wanna do? That's up to you. See? You do have control, you can take up the liberty to do whatever you want, have life kneel before you and beg you for your next demand," she asserted, a lips tying into a small grin. Speaking of liberties, Isis took the liberty of resting her forehead against Celia's. "So, what'll it be?" TAGS xxxxx COUNT xxxxx NOTES xxxx coded by JIN of BtN FLY LIKE A G6

[Celia D.]

Why wasn’t she leaving, why was she still here? Didn’t she understand that she has no idea how to help her? That nobody could help her? She finally started to talk about this, how she can’t help her, but she told her that experts could do it. That was wrong, experts have no idea how to help you, they just do what they read in books, giving you pills to calm you, destroying your life more than Celia was doing to herself. This girl was clueless when it came to those things; still Celia couldn’t ignore the fact that she was trying, she was actually someone who wanted her happy, she even tried to make her relax before she knew anything about her.

Maybe this friendship thing was worth trying, maybe he would be happy, maybe that’s all she needed to get past all those awful moments. Celia could give it a try and see how everything works, maybe this would go okay and then she won’t need to have such a hard schedule, maybe then she could enjoy life more and see all the wonders that it has to offer to the humans and to every living being in the world. She took a deep breath wanting to tell her that she accepts her offer, but then something happened, something that she didn’t expect, that something stopped her from talking and just looking in front of her.

Isis rested her forehead on Celia’s forehead, thing that made their faces very close. Celia’s eyes were moving in chaos, looking up, down, left, right, in every direction. She tried no to look at the girl’s pink lips that were curved into a grin, not even at her eyes thinking that she would be lost in them. She tried to look away from her but she couldn’t. She even tried to pull the blanket over her own face so Isis won’t see how red she turned from this simple action. All she could do right now was, try to answer her question. “O-ok-okay, I will….try”

[ISIS W.]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,100,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true] NOW I'M FEELIN' SO What inward jubilance she was experiencing would have surfaced a lot more had she not been distracted by things swinging in a different direction completely. Mingled into the bittersweet talk had been, courtesy of her perhaps a little brash intimate action, well, intimacy, obviously. Had the close contact not been the catalyst for Celia's wild blush, she wouldn't have thought too much into it. Had this not happened on multiple accounts—whether that be from holding hands a few days ago, or eating together, or anything that wouldn't be too effectual on someone who was completely devoid of interest in the other person... Orthodox as her math course was, she could do basic one plus one equals two, which was an analogy eligible to represent the sheer evidence in the most likely mutual feelings thickening the atmosphere of the partially vacated office. To say the least, her claims of forasking intimacy forever based on its inconveniences seemed to be out the window, predictably enough, the moment of which her heart overrode her thoughts. Slowly, she felt her arms wrap around Celia, an almost cautious approach —a touch and method that truly, obviously, had no experience with this, and told anyone who could think wonders about the fact that Isis truly had no idea what she was supposed to do, when confronted with any sort of situation of this nature. Fairly anxious at even the thought of pursuing any sort of intimacy, she was very much alike a deer in headlights with this experience. What she did manage to do was preserve that awkward embrace. "Y—You're just like a princess, you know that?" TAGS xxxxx COUNT xxxxx NOTES xxxx coded by JIN of BtN FLY LIKE A G6

[Celia D.]

She was so close to Celia, and slowly she was getting closer, thing that made Celia’s face go from pink to red in almost an instant. She could feel heat rising around her, but she was sure that it wasn’t because of the fever, what she was feeling now she couldn’t explain. She never felt like this until now, so that’s why she couldn’t find a possible reason as to why she feels like this. She never watched movies in order to have an idea, and the only books that she read until now were the one filled with math definitions. So basically she was just a complete novice when it comes to the feelings she has now.

Isis started to wrap her arms around Celia; she didn’t know how to respond onto that. She just stood there, watching her from time to time, and when she wasn’t watching her she was just looking around the room with the corner of her eyes, she was especially looking at the door, in case the nurse comes in. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t want to be seen like this with Isis by anyone, it’s not that she disliked the position they were in, but she just didn’t want to be seen like this. She was embarrassed and she didn’t even know it.

Isis words made her feel very happy, a smile didn’t appear on her face, but the sad, pale face disappeared. Her face had more color to it, her lips were slowly forming a smile, but they stopped middle way. “I’m li-like a princ-princess? Why..? Princesses are beautiful rich girls, I’m neither of those. I’m just a normal girl.” With that said Celia moved her head to the side, right now Isis’s forehead wasn’t touching hers anymore, but it was touching her ear. Her hair being brushed by Isis’s head, her ear, forehead and cheek were in full view, no hair was covering them anymore.